What's Your Six?

It's been a very busy few weeks.  Last week, I spent three days in Boston at the Annual HBA Leadership Conference.  I love this amazing group of dynamic women!  It is always an inspiring place to be.

That said, we had "homework" and I would like to share it because I found it fascinating!  We were asked to prepare our "Six."  What's Your Six - is your six word story that describes you, your leadership, your brand, your story.  So, I would like to take you on my journey to my six.

Without knowing all of the details, I got to work on my six.  Now that you have gotten to know me a bit, that is probably not surprising…

So, with little direction, I started to think about who I am, what's my story, what's my brand.  If you know me, or if you don't know me, what would my six word story be?  What would it include?

Well, first, I would need something in there about my faith.  That is a definite.

Hmmm…  Now I'm stuck.  What else?  Well, I am someone who likes to jump into new and undefined opportunities and make the best of them.  I love to think of new ideas.  Ok - innovative, maybe?

What else???  Well, considering that above, I guess I am happy to challenge the status quo.  I'm not into making change for change sake, but I am very comfortable working through uncertain times.  I'd say not just comfortable, I love being part of change.  Ok - Change Agent…  That might work.

So, Let's put those together in a six word story…

Faith-based, Innovative, Agent for Change

Ok. That's my six.  I'm done.  Move on.

Not so fast.  Then I learned what the six word story should really mean.  Here is how it has evolved:

The story should be pithy.  It should start with your history or pivotal moments that changed your life.  It should be uniquely you.  So, if you would like to take the journey with me, get out a piece of paper and join me on this journey to my six:

1.  Remember:  What shaped you as a person?  What were significant events or turning points?  What took courage?  What would you do differently, if you could?

For me, there is a lot there.  My infertility journey made a significant change in me as a person.  It not only strengthened my faith in God, it helped me to better appreciate the world around me.  I realized that I don't have control.  While I had been quite successful, it was God who was pulling the strings.  He gave me those gifts. And, I owed Him the glory.  

2.  Reflect:  Write down words or phrases about these memories / events.  Think action words, descriptive words.  Why are you unique?

Faithful.  Give for God.  Appreciative.  Centered.  Generous.  

3.  Reach:  Push your thinking.  What words describe your struggles?  When have you been tested?  What are seemingly opposing forces?

When I think about who I was before I began my journey, I was a very selfish person.  Why wouldn't God give me a baby?  All I wanted was a baby.  Wasn't I good enough?  Why not me?

When I think of that time, I see why.  He needed me to see that the world I was living in didn't revolve around me…SHOCKING!!!  When I look back on my younger self, I am truly embarrassed.  God had (and still has) such great plans for me (and all of us), but I was willing to throw it away because I couldn't see Him.  All I saw was my wants and my "needs".  I needed a baby.  I was selfish.

Now, I can see that God is part of everything.  I need to seek Him first.  He has such great plans, and I need to be faithful and patient.  

4.  Relate:  Stand back and recollect, reflect & expand ideas.  What seem to be connected to each other?  What words / ideas are in conflict with each other?  What stands out that must be included?

Tension - Self-centered to God-centered.  Expecting to Appreciative.  All about me to all about others.

5.  Refine:  Start choosing the "must" words/ideas that have to be part of your story.  Arrange them.  Change them out with other words.  There are no right answers, it's your answer.  Have fun!

Ideas that must be included:
 - Must include God and my faith
 - Must include my belief that God put me here for a reason, it's up to me to get everything I can out of it
 - Must include my focus on others.  It's not about me; it's about how I can share with others.

6.  Radiate:  So…what's your story?  What's your six?  Write it out!  Go back to 5, refine it again & write it out.  Repeat!  It should feel good when you say it. It should be your unique story.

So, with all that said, what did I end up with?

Look Up!

Live Up!

Lift Up!

Start will seeking God First.

Live up to God's Expectations

         We obviously cannot exceed God's expectations, He created us!  Living up will be tough enough!

Lift up those around you.  

         We didn't get here alone.  Share the love.  Share the success.  Recognize others.  

So, that's my six.  While it might change / evolve, I'm proud of it.  

Did you do it?  Did you write your six?  Would you be willing to share?  If so, I have two requests:

1.  Post it on Twitter and tag me (@jennmuszik) and include #mysix.  

2.  Share this blog with others and ask them to do the same

Due Date

It's here.  Well, my due date was later in November, but since my last two came 3 weeks early, I consider that the due date is here.

What we need to remember is that people were there for us during our loss.  They were there to hold our hand, wipe our tears, give us a hug, and to pray for our peace.  They were there.

That is sometimes forgotten when the due date comes and no one seems to remember.  Or, if they do remember, they don't know what to say - so usually say nothing at all.

Here is an example:
A group of girls went out to dinner recently, and one of our friends is due in January.  She looks AMAZING!  Plus, she is literally one of the sweetest people I know.

The next night, I was talking with my husband, sharing how the dinner was the night before.  When I told him our neighbor was there he asked:

Do you want to talk about it?  I'm not sure I want to, but if you do, I will.  Just know I know.  I just don't know what to say.

So, if he doesn't know what to say - just think of everyone else.  Even if they remember, what is there to say?

Here is why that is important…  WE NEED TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT WE NEED!  

I say that because, when we are struggling, others - even our spouses - don't always know and don't always know what to say.  And, when we are struggling, we may not recognize that others around us who were effected - like our spouses - may be struggling, too.  They might be looking for us to take the lead on the conversation.

And, I don't know about anyone else, but for me, I don't know what to say, either.  I just know that it hurts.  And, I think this one hurts a little more because it is final.  It was my last.

Here is what I am hoping I can continue to focus on:

• When I didn't think I could EVER have children, God proved to me that He is in control of that
• We conceived naturally FIVE TIMES!
• We had THREE SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCIES - carrying each to term (or close)
• We have THREE AMAZING CHILDREN on Earth & two in Heaven 
• Maybe our first little one needed a sibling to play with :)

You want to know what else…

Without that last loss, I wouldn't have started this blog.  I wouldn't have been able to get my thoughts out that I was STUFFING for years!  I wouldn't have gotten into my Bible and really starting holding up my end of this relationship with God.  And, I don't know that I would have appreciated all that I have.

We have been blessed!  Truly blessed!  And, it's okay to be sad.  I just don't want my sadness to overshadow all of the goodness that God has blessed us with.  

God, 

Just like the poem "Footprints in the Sand," I really need you to hold me right now.  Help hold me up when I can no longer stand.  Help me to see all the AMAZING blessings you have provided and allow me to have peace with that.  

God, You are Great!  You are Faithful!  You are GOD!

Thank you for all you have provided.  Thank you for all of your blessings.  And, thank you for bringing goodness even out of the toughest situations.  

Amen

Absolute or Relative?

I have been trying to put these thoughts into words for weeks now.  This has been written, deleted, written again, deleted again…  My problem is, every time I try to write this, it sounds very judgy.  And, that is NOT what I am trying to do.  So, I am going to write this again.  Wish me luck...

When I say absolute or relative, I mean that about a lot of things.  It is how we look at the world.  Are the absolute rights and wrongs, or is everything relative…or, does it depend?

Here is why I ask, for God, I don't see a lot of relative rights and wrongs.  Take a look at the 10 Commandments (adapted from Exodus 20):

I am the Lord, thy God:
1 - Thou shall have NO other Gods before me
2 - Thou shalt not make unto thee any grave image
3 - Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain
4 - Remember the Sabbath day; Keep it Holy
5 - Honor thy mother and thy father
6 - Thou shalt not kill
7 - Thou shalt not commit adultery
8 - Thou shalt not steal
9 - Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor
10 - Thou shalt not covet

When I read those, I only see absolutes…no maybes.  With that in mind, how do I live my life?  Do I live by a code of absolutes, or does it depend?  And, why do I care?

Here's why.

As a young adult, before kids and before truly becoming a Christian, I didn't live my life by absolutes.  Many rules were "meant to be broken."  And, if I got caught, I was frustrated with the person who caught me, not at myself for CHOOSING to do something wrong.  It was always someone else's fault. I had very little accountability for my actions.

As I started to grow in my faith, and finally listed to the Holy Spirit, I began to see the challenges with that behavior.   Especially now as a mom…

If I don't teach my kids right from wrong, how will they know what is right and what is wrong?
If I don't act appropriately, how can I expect them to act appropriately?
If I CHOOSE to do wrong and get caught AND I don't accept responsibility, how can I ever expect them to?

We live in a world of relativity.  I'm not as bad as _______.  We are better than _______.  At least we don't ________.

Then, I go back to the 10 Commandments.  It's not do better than others.  It reads - Thou shalt not.  Not less than others, not don't get caught.  Just don't do it.

So, then I look at my life.  How do I act?  What do I do?  Do I take accountability, or is it someone else's fault?  Do I follow the rules, or are some "meant to be broken"?

Well, it depends…

If I want to take accountability and take action, I need to first see things as they really are.  And, there are still things in my life that, well, depend.

So, here is my commitment:
1 - I will follow the rules, so I can teach my kids to follow the rules
2 - When I give my children the rules, I will try to tell them the "why" so that they can better understand why the can or cannot do things.
3 - When I choose to break the rules (like driving 5 miles over the speed limit), I will own that choice
4 - When I get caught, (because let's face it, we always get caught) I will own that choice.  I will not try to get out of it or blame the police officer or talk about the person who passed me going 20 miles faster than I was. I will accept the ticket and thank the officer for keeping the roads safe.
5 - When I roll up the window and drive away, I will use that as a teachable moment to help my kids understand that regardless of whether I got caught, I was the one doing wrong.  It was that police officer's job to pull me over and give me a ticket.  That was my punishment for doing wrong.

And, all this sounds good on paper (or in cyberspace), but what happens when it comes to real life?

We are faced with situations each and every day that test our values and our commitments.  Here are some:
 - We have a couple of families in the neighborhood who have very different rules for their children than we have for ours.  While their kids can come to our home and play (with adult supervision), our kids are not allowed over there.  What do we say to the parents?

If we say something, we are being judgy.  If we just don't let our kids play together, we are rude.  If we allow it without supervision, we are exposing our children to things we are not prepared for them to see / hear yet.  What do you do??

 - We have a neighbor who moved out of state, regretted it, and is now moving back.  They moved into a temporary place outside of our school zone and are "borrowing" a neighbors address and putting their kids on our bus.  And, they bought a property in a different subdivision.  What do we say / do?

Some say do nothing.  They will move into the new subdivision soon, so it will be over soon.  Some say, they don't live here, they are building / buying here - so, they shouldn't be here.  And, what they are doing is wrong.  So, say something…I'm one of those people.  Don't say something, they continue to break the rules.  There is more to this story, but it would be a full blog in itself.

 - We live by / work with others who believe that our choices are "drastic" and "not real world".  What do we say?

It's tough because we consistently are told that we live by rules, and subject our kids to rules that are not possible in today's world.  Yet, when I read the Bible - God asks us to …"not conform to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Romans 12:2(NIV)

So, we all have choices to make.  We can make things easy, and do what the world wants us to do.  It seems to be easier and more fun.  Or, we can do what God asks us to do.  Walk through the narrow gate.  Take the road less traveled.  Know that it a tougher road.

I remember reading a Facebook post from a friend one day that said…

I would rather live my life believing there is a God and find out I was wrong, than live my life believing there isn't a God and find out I was wrong.  

AMEN!