This will likely be a long one. The past few months have included some of the highest highs and the lowest lows. I will post in the next few days about the highs. Right now, I need to focus on the lows. I need to come to terms with some of the sadness that we have experienced.
As with all of my posts, these are just my thoughts and my beliefs. Many of you reading this know these two individuals and are likely processing in a different way. That is what makes us all individuals - we can deal with situations our own way. My way works for me, and your way works for you, and so on. So, here we go...
A couple of months ago, our family was in visiting for a long weekend when we received a phone call that our 26 year old cousin had died. And, to make things even worse, he would have turned 27 later that week. As difficult as that was for us to take, I cannot imagine what his parents and sisters were feeling. They were supposed to go on a family vacation in a few weeks. His youngest sister is getting married in a few months.
There were so many plans that he was supposed to be a part of...
There was so much more he was supposed to see and do...
There was so much more...
While still dealing with that, I received another phone call late last week. We were heading out to a family vacation and made our first stop when my mom called. She was on Facebook and was confused because it appeared that a good friend of mine died in her sleep at 40 years old. Again, hard to make matters worse than that, but she had just gotten married last month and her birthday was three days later.
I was supposed to go to her wedding, but couldn't. I told myself I would take a weekend and we would go hang out with her and her husband... You never truly get to spend time with people on their wedding day... Right?
There was supposed to be more time...
She just got married...
She had so much more she was supposed to see and do...
There was so much more...
I used to have a really hard time processing death. I mean, A REALLY HARD TIME. I couldn't speak, I couldn't breathe, I couldn't move.
Now, I can deal with it a little better. I'm not 100% certain why - maybe it's because of my view on Heaven. I told a friend the other day - I think of Heaven now, sort of like a vacation.
- It's a glorious place.
- Many of my friends & loved ones will be there.
- Everyone is happy.
- There is no pain & suffering, no illness or disease.
The one BIG DIFFERENCE is, unlike vacation, I am more than happy to wait another 100 years to get there. And, while I know those who have gone before me are in this amazing place, I'm not jealous that they got to go...I am sad that they had to leave.
So, I need to dig into my Bible because these two losses have really shaken me. My heart is broken. Here is one that I found:
John 14:1-4 (GNB): "Do not be worried and upset," Jesus told them. "Believe in God and believe also in me. There are many rooms in my Father's house, and I am going to prepare a place for you. I would not tell you this if it were not so. And after I go and prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you myself, so that you will be where I am."
While Jesus was talking about Himself, I do believe He would want the same for us - "Do not be worried and upset"
When I think about these two young ones up in Heaven with Jesus, I know they are in a glorious place with many friends, family and loved ones. I am not upset for them.
- I am sad for us left here.
- I want to talk to them one more time.
- I want to give them a hug and tell them how much we love them.
- I want more time.
When I write this and read it to myself, I sound like a little kid who wants something he / she can't have. I guess I sound like that because that is how I feel. I want something I can't have. And, no matter how much I beg, how much I cry, how sad I get, how much I plead and beg and barter...I can't get what I want until it is my time to be with them.
Psalms 34:17-20 (GNB): The righteous call to the Lord, and He listens; He rescues them from all their troubles. The Lord is near to those who are discouraged; He saves those who have lost all hope. Good people suffer many troubles, but the Lord saves them from them all; the Lord preserves them completely; not one of their bones is broken.
So, God doesn't say that those who believe will not suffer sadness and loss. What He says is that He is always with us. He will save us all. He will provide us with peace.
John 14:27 (GNB): "Peace is what I leave with you; it is My own peace that I give you. I do not give it as the world does. Do not be worried and upset; do not be afraid."
God will give us His Peace. Peace beyond understanding. A peace we cannot imagine. But that means we need to lay down our troubles and give them over to Him. It is only then that He can take them on.
Matthew 11:28-30 (GNB): "Come to me, all of you who are tired from carrying heavy loads, and I will give you rest. Take My yoke and put it on you, and learn from Me, because I am gentle and humble in spirit; and you will find rest. For the yoke I will give you is easy, and the load I will put on you is light."
Lord,
I know You always have a plan. I believe there is a reason why these two amazing individuals were called up at such young ages. I know they are with You in Heaven.
My struggle is that I miss them, as do all those who know and love them. We want more time. And, while we know that cannot happen while we are still here on Earth, we are still sad.
Here is my prayer.
Lord, please bless us with Your peace. Please help us to lay our sadness and burdens down at Your feet and help us to take Your yoke. And, please help us keep it there and not take it back. We believe in You. We trust in You. We love You.
Amen.
