What's Your Six?

It's been a very busy few weeks.  Last week, I spent three days in Boston at the Annual HBA Leadership Conference.  I love this amazing group of dynamic women!  It is always an inspiring place to be.

That said, we had "homework" and I would like to share it because I found it fascinating!  We were asked to prepare our "Six."  What's Your Six - is your six word story that describes you, your leadership, your brand, your story.  So, I would like to take you on my journey to my six.

Without knowing all of the details, I got to work on my six.  Now that you have gotten to know me a bit, that is probably not surprising…

So, with little direction, I started to think about who I am, what's my story, what's my brand.  If you know me, or if you don't know me, what would my six word story be?  What would it include?

Well, first, I would need something in there about my faith.  That is a definite.

Hmmm…  Now I'm stuck.  What else?  Well, I am someone who likes to jump into new and undefined opportunities and make the best of them.  I love to think of new ideas.  Ok - innovative, maybe?

What else???  Well, considering that above, I guess I am happy to challenge the status quo.  I'm not into making change for change sake, but I am very comfortable working through uncertain times.  I'd say not just comfortable, I love being part of change.  Ok - Change Agent…  That might work.

So, Let's put those together in a six word story…

Faith-based, Innovative, Agent for Change

Ok. That's my six.  I'm done.  Move on.

Not so fast.  Then I learned what the six word story should really mean.  Here is how it has evolved:

The story should be pithy.  It should start with your history or pivotal moments that changed your life.  It should be uniquely you.  So, if you would like to take the journey with me, get out a piece of paper and join me on this journey to my six:

1.  Remember:  What shaped you as a person?  What were significant events or turning points?  What took courage?  What would you do differently, if you could?

For me, there is a lot there.  My infertility journey made a significant change in me as a person.  It not only strengthened my faith in God, it helped me to better appreciate the world around me.  I realized that I don't have control.  While I had been quite successful, it was God who was pulling the strings.  He gave me those gifts. And, I owed Him the glory.  

2.  Reflect:  Write down words or phrases about these memories / events.  Think action words, descriptive words.  Why are you unique?

Faithful.  Give for God.  Appreciative.  Centered.  Generous.  

3.  Reach:  Push your thinking.  What words describe your struggles?  When have you been tested?  What are seemingly opposing forces?

When I think about who I was before I began my journey, I was a very selfish person.  Why wouldn't God give me a baby?  All I wanted was a baby.  Wasn't I good enough?  Why not me?

When I think of that time, I see why.  He needed me to see that the world I was living in didn't revolve around me…SHOCKING!!!  When I look back on my younger self, I am truly embarrassed.  God had (and still has) such great plans for me (and all of us), but I was willing to throw it away because I couldn't see Him.  All I saw was my wants and my "needs".  I needed a baby.  I was selfish.

Now, I can see that God is part of everything.  I need to seek Him first.  He has such great plans, and I need to be faithful and patient.  

4.  Relate:  Stand back and recollect, reflect & expand ideas.  What seem to be connected to each other?  What words / ideas are in conflict with each other?  What stands out that must be included?

Tension - Self-centered to God-centered.  Expecting to Appreciative.  All about me to all about others.

5.  Refine:  Start choosing the "must" words/ideas that have to be part of your story.  Arrange them.  Change them out with other words.  There are no right answers, it's your answer.  Have fun!

Ideas that must be included:
 - Must include God and my faith
 - Must include my belief that God put me here for a reason, it's up to me to get everything I can out of it
 - Must include my focus on others.  It's not about me; it's about how I can share with others.

6.  Radiate:  So…what's your story?  What's your six?  Write it out!  Go back to 5, refine it again & write it out.  Repeat!  It should feel good when you say it. It should be your unique story.

So, with all that said, what did I end up with?

Look Up!

Live Up!

Lift Up!

Start will seeking God First.

Live up to God's Expectations

         We obviously cannot exceed God's expectations, He created us!  Living up will be tough enough!

Lift up those around you.  

         We didn't get here alone.  Share the love.  Share the success.  Recognize others.  

So, that's my six.  While it might change / evolve, I'm proud of it.  

Did you do it?  Did you write your six?  Would you be willing to share?  If so, I have two requests:

1.  Post it on Twitter and tag me (@jennmuszik) and include #mysix.  

2.  Share this blog with others and ask them to do the same

Due Date

It's here.  Well, my due date was later in November, but since my last two came 3 weeks early, I consider that the due date is here.

What we need to remember is that people were there for us during our loss.  They were there to hold our hand, wipe our tears, give us a hug, and to pray for our peace.  They were there.

That is sometimes forgotten when the due date comes and no one seems to remember.  Or, if they do remember, they don't know what to say - so usually say nothing at all.

Here is an example:
A group of girls went out to dinner recently, and one of our friends is due in January.  She looks AMAZING!  Plus, she is literally one of the sweetest people I know.

The next night, I was talking with my husband, sharing how the dinner was the night before.  When I told him our neighbor was there he asked:

Do you want to talk about it?  I'm not sure I want to, but if you do, I will.  Just know I know.  I just don't know what to say.

So, if he doesn't know what to say - just think of everyone else.  Even if they remember, what is there to say?

Here is why that is important…  WE NEED TO TELL PEOPLE WHAT WE NEED!  

I say that because, when we are struggling, others - even our spouses - don't always know and don't always know what to say.  And, when we are struggling, we may not recognize that others around us who were effected - like our spouses - may be struggling, too.  They might be looking for us to take the lead on the conversation.

And, I don't know about anyone else, but for me, I don't know what to say, either.  I just know that it hurts.  And, I think this one hurts a little more because it is final.  It was my last.

Here is what I am hoping I can continue to focus on:

• When I didn't think I could EVER have children, God proved to me that He is in control of that
• We conceived naturally FIVE TIMES!
• We had THREE SUCCESSFUL PREGNANCIES - carrying each to term (or close)
• We have THREE AMAZING CHILDREN on Earth & two in Heaven 
• Maybe our first little one needed a sibling to play with :)

You want to know what else…

Without that last loss, I wouldn't have started this blog.  I wouldn't have been able to get my thoughts out that I was STUFFING for years!  I wouldn't have gotten into my Bible and really starting holding up my end of this relationship with God.  And, I don't know that I would have appreciated all that I have.

We have been blessed!  Truly blessed!  And, it's okay to be sad.  I just don't want my sadness to overshadow all of the goodness that God has blessed us with.  

God, 

Just like the poem "Footprints in the Sand," I really need you to hold me right now.  Help hold me up when I can no longer stand.  Help me to see all the AMAZING blessings you have provided and allow me to have peace with that.  

God, You are Great!  You are Faithful!  You are GOD!

Thank you for all you have provided.  Thank you for all of your blessings.  And, thank you for bringing goodness even out of the toughest situations.  

Amen

Absolute or Relative?

I have been trying to put these thoughts into words for weeks now.  This has been written, deleted, written again, deleted again…  My problem is, every time I try to write this, it sounds very judgy.  And, that is NOT what I am trying to do.  So, I am going to write this again.  Wish me luck...

When I say absolute or relative, I mean that about a lot of things.  It is how we look at the world.  Are the absolute rights and wrongs, or is everything relative…or, does it depend?

Here is why I ask, for God, I don't see a lot of relative rights and wrongs.  Take a look at the 10 Commandments (adapted from Exodus 20):

I am the Lord, thy God:
1 - Thou shall have NO other Gods before me
2 - Thou shalt not make unto thee any grave image
3 - Thou shalt not take the name of the Lord thy God in vain
4 - Remember the Sabbath day; Keep it Holy
5 - Honor thy mother and thy father
6 - Thou shalt not kill
7 - Thou shalt not commit adultery
8 - Thou shalt not steal
9 - Thou shalt not bear false witness against thy neighbor
10 - Thou shalt not covet

When I read those, I only see absolutes…no maybes.  With that in mind, how do I live my life?  Do I live by a code of absolutes, or does it depend?  And, why do I care?

Here's why.

As a young adult, before kids and before truly becoming a Christian, I didn't live my life by absolutes.  Many rules were "meant to be broken."  And, if I got caught, I was frustrated with the person who caught me, not at myself for CHOOSING to do something wrong.  It was always someone else's fault. I had very little accountability for my actions.

As I started to grow in my faith, and finally listed to the Holy Spirit, I began to see the challenges with that behavior.   Especially now as a mom…

If I don't teach my kids right from wrong, how will they know what is right and what is wrong?
If I don't act appropriately, how can I expect them to act appropriately?
If I CHOOSE to do wrong and get caught AND I don't accept responsibility, how can I ever expect them to?

We live in a world of relativity.  I'm not as bad as _______.  We are better than _______.  At least we don't ________.

Then, I go back to the 10 Commandments.  It's not do better than others.  It reads - Thou shalt not.  Not less than others, not don't get caught.  Just don't do it.

So, then I look at my life.  How do I act?  What do I do?  Do I take accountability, or is it someone else's fault?  Do I follow the rules, or are some "meant to be broken"?

Well, it depends…

If I want to take accountability and take action, I need to first see things as they really are.  And, there are still things in my life that, well, depend.

So, here is my commitment:
1 - I will follow the rules, so I can teach my kids to follow the rules
2 - When I give my children the rules, I will try to tell them the "why" so that they can better understand why the can or cannot do things.
3 - When I choose to break the rules (like driving 5 miles over the speed limit), I will own that choice
4 - When I get caught, (because let's face it, we always get caught) I will own that choice.  I will not try to get out of it or blame the police officer or talk about the person who passed me going 20 miles faster than I was. I will accept the ticket and thank the officer for keeping the roads safe.
5 - When I roll up the window and drive away, I will use that as a teachable moment to help my kids understand that regardless of whether I got caught, I was the one doing wrong.  It was that police officer's job to pull me over and give me a ticket.  That was my punishment for doing wrong.

And, all this sounds good on paper (or in cyberspace), but what happens when it comes to real life?

We are faced with situations each and every day that test our values and our commitments.  Here are some:
 - We have a couple of families in the neighborhood who have very different rules for their children than we have for ours.  While their kids can come to our home and play (with adult supervision), our kids are not allowed over there.  What do we say to the parents?

If we say something, we are being judgy.  If we just don't let our kids play together, we are rude.  If we allow it without supervision, we are exposing our children to things we are not prepared for them to see / hear yet.  What do you do??

 - We have a neighbor who moved out of state, regretted it, and is now moving back.  They moved into a temporary place outside of our school zone and are "borrowing" a neighbors address and putting their kids on our bus.  And, they bought a property in a different subdivision.  What do we say / do?

Some say do nothing.  They will move into the new subdivision soon, so it will be over soon.  Some say, they don't live here, they are building / buying here - so, they shouldn't be here.  And, what they are doing is wrong.  So, say something…I'm one of those people.  Don't say something, they continue to break the rules.  There is more to this story, but it would be a full blog in itself.

 - We live by / work with others who believe that our choices are "drastic" and "not real world".  What do we say?

It's tough because we consistently are told that we live by rules, and subject our kids to rules that are not possible in today's world.  Yet, when I read the Bible - God asks us to …"not conform to the patter of this world, but be transformed by the renewing of your mind."  Romans 12:2(NIV)

So, we all have choices to make.  We can make things easy, and do what the world wants us to do.  It seems to be easier and more fun.  Or, we can do what God asks us to do.  Walk through the narrow gate.  Take the road less traveled.  Know that it a tougher road.

I remember reading a Facebook post from a friend one day that said…

I would rather live my life believing there is a God and find out I was wrong, than live my life believing there isn't a God and find out I was wrong.  

AMEN!

One Body

In my last post, I mentioned that I had started to carve out time for myself.  And, since there are only 168 hours each week, that time needed to be pulled from something else - which was this blog.

So, what was I doing?  I was finding ways to work out and get myself back into shape.  There were many reasons why I wanted to do this:

 - I didn't have many clothes to wear when I was busting out of a size 14
 - I look at my kids and know - I want to be here for as long as I possibly can and enjoy as many moments as I possibly can.  I need to be healthy to do that.
 - And, honestly, I didn't feel good about myself anymore...

I give so much to so many other places, but I wasn't giving to myself.  And here is what that got me…

Weight - 163lbs
BMI - 26 (Over Weight Category)
% Body Fat - 33.9% (Obese Category)
Pant Size - 14

Ugh! - How did I get here?  

I continued to put me last.  I gave to everyone and everything else, and left nothing for myself.   And, just like on a plane when they say "put your mask on before helping others" (been on more planes these past few weeks than I care to mention) - we need to take care of ourselves first.  If we don't take care of ourselves, we cannot be there for others.

So, what have I been doing?

Well, first, I started taking Advocare products.  If you haven't heard of Advocare, please check out their website at www.advocare.com.  It's a premier health & wellness company with an online distribution channel.  Plus, it's a Christian-based company, which I love.  And, the products are amazing!!!  They have lots of different offerings from:

 - Wellness products 
 - Performance products
 - Weight Loss / Trim products

I must add that I would never had heard about Advocare had it not been from an amazing friend that God brought in my life through the strangest event - a Mudathlon!  Much more to share there in a different blog…

After a few weeks of just taking the products, I saw a difference, but I also knew - there is no silver bullet.  If I wanted to see real results, I needed to put in real effort.

Enter another amazing friend God brought into my life who told me about the Fitbit.  If you don't know about the Fitbit - I call it the socially cool pedometer (is that even possible?!?!).  Yes!  Check it out at www.fitbit.com

So, with some encouragement from my friend, I bought the Fitbit and started walking.  And, I mean just walking.  Not jogging, not running…just walking.  

I set my goal at 10,000 steps per day (about 5 miles).  That was a stretch goal on most days.  But, since I saw how truly inactive I was, it got me motivated to get off the couch.

Now, most days I walk over 11,000 steps!!!  WooHoo!!!

So, what were the results?

 - I feel great!!  
 - I am much happier with myself, so I am a much kinder & patient person
 - By taking care of myself, I feel like I am better able to handle the stress of the day (both at work and at home)
  - And, since I spend many of those walks listening to my favorite Christian artists, I use the time to spend with God, to work on my relationship with Him.  

Not the results you were thinking of???  I know.  But those are the ones that really should matter.  Those are the ones that make the real difference.  But, since I said where I started, here is where I am currently...

Weight - 144lbs (down 19lbs)
BMI - 22.2 (right in the middle of Normal)
Body Fat - 26% (Acceptable - almost in the "Fitness" category)
Pants Size - 8 (Yep, you saw that right!!!  Single digits - WooHoo!!!)
Total Inches lost - 15!!

And, now that I feel better about the way I look on the outside, I know I am more willing and able to share my Light on the inside.

Matthew 5:14-16 (GNB):  You are like light for the whole world.  A city built on a hill cannot be hidden.  No one lights a lamp and puts it under a bowl; instead he puts it on the lamp stand, where it gives light for everyone in the house.  In the same way your light must shine before people, so that they will see the good things you do and praise your Father in heaven.

Now, the key is that I am able to share my journey with others in a way that isn't boastful or bragging.  My biggest joy in this journey is my growing faith, my closeness with God.  When people ask about what I did, I also always share this:
 - Advocare is a Christian company
 - I learned about both Advocare and Fitbit from amazing women God brought into my life
 - My exercise routine (which still consists of walking) is my personal time with God

My changes on the outside only represent my changes on the inside.  I am so amazingly thankful that God has allowed this change be another vehicle for me to share His word and work with others.  

Lord, thank you so very much for the changes you have made in my life - both on the inside, and on the outside.  I continue to pray for your help and guidance, to continue to seek you first, and to be patient when listening for the answers.  Thank you so very much for each part of this journey.  

Can you have it all?

There are many thoughts and opinions on whether or not you can have it all.  Some say - NO!  You cannot have it all.  Others say - Yes!  But, not at the same time.

I heard a quote the other day from Dr. Freda Lewis-Hall that I have fully embraced:  

YES!  Because YOU have the POWER to define YOUR ALL!

Why would you give up your ability to define what "all" is?  Who has the right to define that for you? YOU DO!

This quote came at such an important time for me.  For the past several months, I was feeling like my life was in balance...well, in "my" balance.  I was able to do my job well, spend time with my husband and children, and write this blog - continue to explore and deepen my faith.  So, I thought I had it all.  Really, I was happy.

Except, when I truly looked in the mirror, I was a missing something very important.  I wasn't taking any time for me.  And, because of that, my health was struggling.

How do I fit in time for me?  And, does my time have to equal work-out time?  Some other people may thrive during that time, but that does not seem like fun to me.  And, when do I do that?  Do I get up at 4am to get down on the treadmill.  YUCK!  Seriously, that is not for me.

Something has to give.

You may remember, I went to an amazing, life-changing women's conference almost two years ago called "Women Leading Change" put on by the Institute for Women's Leadership.  The leader (and overall AMAZING WOMAN) reminded us - everyone only has 168 hours per week.  No matter how hard we try - that is all we have.

So, understanding that I am in a zero sum game.  I only have 168.  How am I going to fit all of this in:
 - Faith
 - Husband
 - Kids
 - Friends / Volunteering (I do a lot of that)
 - Me (Sleep, Fitness, Other)
 - Oh, Yeah - and WORK.

And, with this new job, that work thing has definitely taken on a life of it's own.  And, while I truly LOVE what I am doing, I have been spending an significant number of my 168 in this area.

There I was, sitting at a volunteer event, listening to Dr. Freda Lewis-Hall, fretting about the number of things still on my plate and how I was going to fit it all in.  Thinking about my 168 when she said...

Can you have it all?  Yes!  Because You define Your ALL!

I missed the next few minutes of her talk because I allowed those words to wash over me.  I took the time to think about what did I want to and need to do with my time.  And then it hit me...

Integration doesn't have to be between work & life.  How can I combine / integrate other things to find time to do more?  Or, what is on my plate that I can take off for a while and not feel bad about it?

So, I started to define my all:

 - I commit to being the best Wife and Mother I can be.  That is my priority.
 - I commit to giving my best at work because I asked for this, I want this, and the impact can be truly amazing.

Now, Integrate...
 - I commit to improving myself both physically and spiritually
     - I commit to eating well and exercising
     - I commit to listening to Christian music and praying during my workouts
 - I commit to spending time volunteering and with friends that help me grow in my faith / or share my faith with them
     - I commit to surrounding myself with others where I can live my Christian Life Out Loud

In that integration, I added exercising.  I needed to find a way to be happier with the person in the mirror looking back at me.  And, if I was either spending it in fellowship with friends or singing to my favorite Christian songs - I can integrate!  WooHoo!

So, what had to give?  Even though I was finding ways to integrate - I still only have 168.

What gave was this blog...  Not forever, but just for a few weeks (well, 4 weeks) while I was defining and living my "ALL".

I will tell you, when you define your all, define what is in it and what is not, an amazing thing happens...

You stop feeling GUILTY about the things you cannot do! 

And, you actually do feel better about all the things you can do.  Because, let's admit it, WE DO A LOT OF THINGS!!!  So, we should focus on that, and not on what we have missed...

Ecclesiastes 3:1,9-12 (GNB):
Everything that happens in this world happens at the time God chooses.
What do we gain from all our work?  I know the heavy burdens that God has laid on us.  He has set the right time for everything.  He has given us a desire to know the future, but never gives us the satisfaction of fully understanding what He does.  So, I realized that all we can do is to be happy and do the best we can while we are still alive.

God wants us to BE HAPPY and DO THE BEST WE CAN.  If we are always focused on what we couldn't do, how can we be happy?

So, I choose MY ALL.  And, I am happy to note that MY ALL can now include getting back to blogging.  And, on the weeks when I cannot get to it because other parts of MY ALL get in the way, I won't feel guilty about it.  I'll pick it back up when I am able.

Lord, thank You so very much for giving me the eyes to see, the ears to hear, and the heart open to learn.  Thank You for bringing such amazing people into my life to help me find my balance. 

Crashing Waves...

Last Sunday, when I wrote about – Does it ever get easier? – I thought that I had officially turned the corner on our loss. While I knew I would still think about that little child, I felt like God had given me “Peace Beyond Understanding”, and I was on the up-side of that swing. 

Boy – Was I WRONG!! 

As I mentioned before, I started a new job in August that would require significantly more travel. However, my first few weeks on the job required no travel as most of my counterparts were in various parts of the country. So, I took the opportunity to work from home. While I knew that would change, I don’t think I prepared myself for this past week. Let me share. 

Sunday night, after a full day of church, soccer, meals, etc., I started to prepare for my upcoming week. And, considering I hadn’t traveled for 5 weeks, I think my thoughts were that I should jump in with both feet, into the deep end, with weights on my ankles! Here was just my travel itinerary: 

Monday: • Fly to Dallas • Overnight in Dallas 

Tuesday: • Fly to New York • Overnight in White Plains 

Wednesday: • Car from White Plains to Manhattan • Overnight in Manhattan 

Thursday • Fly home (or at least I was supposed to fly home – more on that later) 

If my travel schedule wasn’t enough, let me add the additional details… Sunday evening, as I was starting to pack for the trip, I realized that I still had some maternity clothes mixed in with my “regular” clothes. That probably isn’t too unusual as I should be 7 months pregnant, right?!? Well, I decided that it was time to put all the clothes back in the bin so that I wasn’t faced with them every time I walked into my closet. That’s a good thing, right? Not so much.

I couldn’t help but feel the finality of our decision to “not try” anymore. For the past 8 years, we had been trying to start and grow our family. Packing the maternity clothes away hit me in a way I hadn’t expected. It was like I was re-mourning the loss of our baby. And, I was trying to grapple with this new world we had chosen. 

WAVE 1: Did we make the right choice? With tears in my eyes, I finished cleaning the closet, packing away the maternity clothes, packing my suitcase for the trip, and trying to focus on all that we have. We have been very blessed!!! We get to hold three amazing kids! Why am I so sad?? I had trouble sleeping because I had an early flight Monday morning. 

So, on little sleep, I get ready, grab my suitcase, and head to the airport. Something you might remember is that, right before we found out that we lost the baby, my husband and I were on a work trip where I told several friends / colleagues that we were expecting. That was the middle of April. And, when we found out about the baby, we didn’t make a mass announcement of our loss. So, while I thought I was turning the corner, not only did the closet cleaning hurt, but now 

WAVE 2: I am faced with friends without words because they have questions. And, if you have been in that situation, you find yourself comforting your friends because they don’t know what to say, they feel bad, and you just want the conversation to STOP!! 

“No, it’s okay. Really! We are okay. I should have told you. So sorry! Really, we are good. Thanks for caring.”

I wish there was something I could say or do to stop anyone from having to go through that. Both for the person who suffered the loss, and for the person asking the question. Everyone is uncomfortable! 

Well, I got through the rest of Monday and Tuesday and boarded the flight from Dallas to NYC. Wednesday, as I prepared for our meeting, I realized that I was still very sad. And, I realized that part of my sadness was also dealing with: 

WAVE 3: My life is now going to consist of this type of travel – being away from home several days each week. And, while FaceTime & Skype help, there is nothing like kissing your kids goodnight, or snuggling them in the morning. Deep Breath… You can do this… 

So, I proceeded to get through Wednesday, which was a tough day for business reasons. The project I am working on had deliverables that just didn’t meet the mark. And, while I was not solely responsible, it is my project, so in essence, I am. Ugh! I just need to get through this day. 

As I got into the car to Manhattan on Wednesday night, it hit me. In my busy-ness, I failed to realize that I was driving into Manhattan on September 11th. How did I miss that??? 

WAVE 4: I was overcome with emotion of what that day means: all the lives that were lost, all the tragedy, all of the pain, all of…EVERYTHING… There was a definite quite in Manhattan that I am not used to. I travel to NYC quite often, and while there were still taxis honking and people talking, there seemed to be a stillness, a quiet. People were moving more slowly, being more patient,… I don’t know how to describe it. It was just a different feeling than I have ever had in the city. 

After dinner, I settled into the third hotel of the week, and found a quiet moment to focus on the positive – I get to go home and see my family tomorrow! Let me focus on that and get some good sleep. And, I did. For the first time all week, Wednesday night was a good night. So, Thursday should be a good day, right? 

Well, let’s see… Thursday was a FULL DAY! We literally had one 15-minute break – all day from 8am – 5pm. While part of that was good, it kept my mind off of being sad; the other part of it was, well, CRAZY! And, from a business perspective, it was not a good day. Long story… Let’s just end it with…Not Good. So, I get into the car and head to the airport. It’s been a long week, and all I can think about is giving my kids a kiss when I get home. They would be asleep, but I would be able to kiss them. 

WAVE 5: Due to the weather in the NYC area on Thursday evening, almost all flights out of the NYC area were cancelled. To be more specific, my flight was cancelled. And, to make matters worse, since over 70 flights were cancelled, my next option was either a direct flight at 9:15pm on Friday night (getting me home at 11pm) or a connecting flight through Memphis, getting me home at 10pm. When will this stop?!?!?!? Breathe… you can do this… And, you signed up for this… 

Ok. I booked myself on the Memphis flight, and learned of two other direct flights that may be options for the next morning. So, I needed to be back to the airport by 7am at the latest. Ok. I can do that. Now, finding a hotel. Let’s see, there were 70 flights cancelled… All of the hotels near the airport were booked, so back to the city I go… I find a room at a good rate, set a wake-up call, ensure I can get a taxi in the morning at 6am, and go to bed. 

WAVE 6: First flight option is oversold and I’m #7 on standby. Oh, did I mention that one of the morning flights were also cancelled because the flight into NYC didn’t make it due to the weather. No plane to take anyone back… Tears are rolling down my eyes… 

WAVE 7: Second flight option is oversold and I’m #3 on standby. And, the flight I am booked on (through Memphis) is taking off 15 minutes after this direct flight…IN A DIFFERENT TERMINAL!!! So, I’m running through the airport trying to see if I can get on the direct flight – and needless to say, that was also a BIG FAT NO! 

So, I am walking back to the other terminal to get on my flight connecting through Memphis, and I cannot stop the tears from flowing. What am I going to do? Our son has a soccer game Saturday morning, and team pictures, and we have family coming into town, and… 

WAVE 8: What did I sign up for? Why did I do this? I am a mom. I need to be at home, with my husband and my kids. I am going to miss EVERYTHING!!! What am I doing? How can I get home…NOW! I feel so helpless… Tears… 

When I get back to my gate, the gate agent who I had spoken to earlier (because I wanted to know exactly how close to departure could I return to not lose my seat on this flight) saw me and saw my eyes. She called me up and asked if I was going to Indy. She looked up alternate flights and found a direct flight, leaving JFK, at 2:55pm – meaning, I could be home by 6pm!!! 

LIFELINE: God knew I was at my end. I was spiraling because I was trying to do it on my own. I was praying for help and guidance, but, truthfully, I wasn’t open to receiving anything. And, just when I couldn’t take any more, God was right there. He was right there with an answer. 

I jumped in a taxi, headed to JFK, boarded the plane and landed in Indy…EARLY! 

I am still praying for additional guidance – what was I supposed to learn from last week? Here is what I know: 

• My blog & closet cleaning last weekend helped to prepare me for my conversations on Monday about losing the baby. Without those two things, I wouldn’t have been prepared to have those discussions. God did that! 

• When things get rough, I need to seek God first. Not after I have failed, but before I even try. I can do anything through Christ who strengthens me. 

• And, God knows what I can handle. He made me. He knows me better than I know myself. And, He knows when I truly need His help (even if I am too stubborn or too clueless to ask). Right then – He throws a LIFELINE! 

God, I thank You so very much for Your Love and Forgiveness! Please help me to seek You first, always. And, even in the roughest of times, I know You are always there with me. I Love You!

Does it EVER get Easier??

The past few weeks, I have talked with two friends who have recently lost their pregnancies - lost their babies.  And, during each conversation, I found myself crying with them as they recounted how they found out, and what happened after that devastating news.

I found myself searching for words.  Is there anything I can say to take this hurt away?  Is there anything I can do?  I feel so helpless.  

Then, I cry even more, as I remember that pain, that loss, that grief, that...darkness.  

There is an amazing joy when you are trying to get pregnant and you learn that you have been successful.  That first "Pregnant" result where you didn't see the "Not".  What an amazing feeling.  And, that first ultrasound when you see the little peanut - words cannot describe the joy, the overwhelming feeling that you are starting a family of your own.

And then, you feel different.  Something feels wrong.  You call the doctor who tells you "it's nothing.  Don't worry."  But, you know you should worry.

Then, your fears are confirmed.  Something changed.  Something happened.  And, that family that you were creating.  Those hopes & dreams.  All of that changed.  

And, every time I talk to a woman going through this, I weep.  I pray for God to give me the words.  Somehow help me help this woman get over this pain.  Make it hurt less, make it go away faster, something.

Some women I have talked to during their infertility journeys are very angry at God.  Why them?  They almost feel like God is punishing them for some reason.  Or, how can there be a God who would not allow a great couple to get pregnant.  Doesn't God want great parents for amazing children?

I have come to the realization that - there are no words.  There is nothing I can do to take that pain away.  There is nothing I can say to stop the hurt, stop the fears, stop the tears.  

Here is all I can say:

• Your feelings are REAL and you have the RIGHT to feel HOWEVER you feel
• Your journey, your experience is uniquely yours.  And, while others have gone through something, their journeys are unique to them.  
• And, if you are angry at God, it's ok.  If anyone can handle it, He can 
• Thanks B-Girl for this line!  You are SO RIGHT!  He can totally take it!

And then, the question is almost always asked - Does this ever get any easier?

That's another tricky question because everyone experiences grief differently.  So, for me, here is what I can say.

• I never "lost" a pregnancy, that I know of, prior to us getting pregnant with our oldest.  So, I don't know what it is like to lose a baby without being able to come home and hold one.
• When we had our first, we knew why we had to wait.  He is meant to be our oldest baby.
• When we lost our 2nd, it was truly a difficult time.  I believe that it was a blessing that we had our oldest.  He made that loss a little easier to bear.
• That May, when we were supposed to have the baby - That was a tough month.  I cried a lot that month.
• But, seven months later, we found out we were expecting another baby.  So, the next May, while I still thought about that baby in Heaven, it hurt less.
• Getting pregnant with our baby girl was amazingly easy.  We never thought we would have that experience.  
• But, that was followed with the loss of another baby this past April.  So, we will see how I feel this Thanksgiving when the baby would have been born.

All that said, with every successful pregnancy, the losses seem to hurt less.  And, knowing those babies are in Heaven playing with Jesus makes it even easier.  And, I am patiently waiting for the day I get to hold them in my arms.

As I said to a friend last week...I feel like I am part of a special group, a sorority of women who have gone through similar experiences.  We usually don't talk about it unless we know someone else has gone / is going through it.  And, I pray that none of my friends ever have to join.  Because I wouldn't wish the pain on anyone!

But, when you are in this sorority, you are thankful to know that you aren't alone, that others have made it through to the other side, and there is a light that will shine again to break up the darkness.

So - does it get easier?  For me, it did.  But, it never goes away.  And, when you talk to someone going through fertility issues or experiencing the pain of a recent loss, all that pain comes back.  It comes flooding back.  While you don't fully feel their specific pain, you can empathize with them because you have felt something similar - different, but similar.

What I Believe

One of the benefits of this blog is...  I talk so much more about God and Christ to those around me.  And, while I know not everyone believes the same that I do, what I love is that we are able to have really great conversations. 

During one such conversation recently, I found myself rambling on about what I believe and why I believe it.  And I realized, I don't have a good answer.  See, as a Christian, I would love to be able to answer, in a few sentences, why I believe in Christ.  If I ramble on for 10 minutes, I will likely lose the people I am so trying to share God's Word with.

So, bare with me as I think this out through this blog.  I promise to try to come up with the few sentences by the end.  So, if you would rather skip to the end, please do so :).

What I believe:

1.  I believe that God created EVERYTHING (Genesis 1:1-31)
Even as a person of Science, I believe that God created EVERYTHING.  And, let's say that I believe in the Big Bang Theory - that a bunch of gases happened to be in the same place in the atmosphere at the same time and caused a combustion that created the planets, here's my question - who put all of those gases there??  

For some reason, it is easier to believe in Primordial Soup and Evolution than Creation.  That a little amoeba came out of the water, morphed, and became an insect, animal, person, etc.  

Let's say both seem far fetched.  So, it's up to us to make our own choice.

2.  I believe that Jesus is the Son of God, sent down to Earth to SAVE EACH of US 
John 3:16 (GNB) - For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not die but have eternal life

When you read the old testament, the way that God forgave those for their sins was for them to offer a sacrifice in repentance for their sins.  Let's take it one step further.  In Genesis 22:1-13, God asks Abraham if he is willing to sacrifice Isaac, his only son from Sarah, the one God promised to make his descendants as many as the stars in the sky (Genesis 15:5).  

I believe that - and I believe that this was foreboding of the very fact that God, would send down His Only Son, as the perfect sacrifice - to end all living sacrifices - and to allow for each person who believes in Him to have eternal life in Heaven.

3.  I believe in the Virgin Birth of Jesus

I think this is one of the toughest ones for us to really believe in.  So, you're telling me, that a woman who never "knew" a man on Earth, found out from an Angel that she was pregnant with the Son of God.  And, Joseph, who knew he didn't "know her" that way, stayed with her believing this whole story... 

I know it might sound weird, but I do believe that.  So, if I believe that there is a God that can create EVERYTHING from nothing, why would it be so hard for me to believe that he put a child in Mary's womb.  I believe that He created each of my children - the three with us and the two in Heaven.  He did that.  So, why couldn't He put Jesus in Mary's womb.  Seems pretty easy to believe now.

And, Jesus needed to be perfect.  The Only One that would EVER be perfect on Earth.

Why?

4.  I believe that there is NOTHING we can do on this Earth to "earn" our way into Heaven

John 14:6 (GNB):  Jesus answered him, "I am The Way, The Truth, and The Life; no one goes to The Father except by me."

What I mean by what I wrote is that, I can't donate enough, pray enough, do enough good works to EARN my way into Heaven.  Jesus paid that price for me.  For each and every person, individually, who believes in Him.  

That's the sticking point of being a Christian versus being of other faiths.  I believe in Christ - all the parts of Him.  How He came into this world, what He did when He was here, and where He sits now, at the right hand of the Father, waiting for the day when He will come back.

So, here's the last part...  Why do bad things happen?

5.  I believe that God is in control and there is a purpose.

Please let me explain, because that is a tough one to put into one sentence.  Here is an example:

Let's say a child has a rare disease, and the doctors cannot save the child.  That is awful.  And, that child's parents are a mess.  The entire family is a mess.  Why couldn't that baby be saved?  Where was God?

I believe that there has to be a purpose in everything.  Again, these are just my beliefs.  It helps me to make order in this world of chaos.  So, here is what I believe.

What if your child had that same disease?  And, what if that doctor who couldn't save the other child, learned something that allowed him to try something new that saved your child?  

See, I've written before that I believe that we are all here for a purpose.  I believe that before I was born, God knew me, and knew the number of days I am for this Earth - until the day He calls me home.  So, I have that number of days to learn, grow, develop, and prepare for His purpose.  And, then it will be my time to go home.  And, I have no idea when that will be, or what my purpose is.

I was reading a book that recounted a story about a man who was drowning.  There were people on the beach praying for his safety.  When he was brought to the beach and revived, some people were praising God and were sharing how God is faithful.  Someone on the beach reminded everyone - even if we weren't able to save that man, God is still always faithful.  

It's a lot to think about. And, these are just my views.  It's a way for me to somewhat "justify" what I deem to be unjustifiable.  Who am I to justify anyway???  That being said, it is my way to say - "Ok, God.  I know you are at work here.  And, while I do not see the purpose in this, I know You have one. So, I will remain faithful."

IN SUMMARY (For those of you who skipped to the end - this is it):

I believe that God created EVERYTHING.  

I believe that God sent His Only Son to Earth to save each one of us 

I believe that if God can create EVERYTHING, including my child, He could put Jesus in Mary's womb - just like He put my children in mine.

I believe that I cannot "earn" my way into Heaven - that is what Jesus did for me

And, while bad things happen, I do believe God has a purpose.  And, something beautiful will come out of that bad - we just need to keep our eyes open to see it.

And, let's say I was still questioning what I believed.  Here are my thoughts.  I would much rather go through life believing in God & Jesus and find out on my deathbed that I was wrong than the opposite.  

It's All About Perspective

I've had many thoughts swirling through my mind the past few weeks, and the one common theme that continues to come back to me is... 

It's all about perspective. 

Here's an example. About 2 weeks ago, my husband and I were talking about getting healthy. We discussed our desires to be healthier, to eat right, to exercise, to set a better example for our children, and to take care of the bodies God has given to us. 

My next two weeks involved eating better and taking my vitamins. While I have many excuses (and could come up with as many as I need), the bottom line is that I have not committed to exercising. And, while I have lost some weight, and do feel better, I need to make that commitment. All that said, I do feel like I am currently making better choices in my life, and setting a better example for our kids, so I feel good about where I am at. I can improve, but I feel good. I am committing to living healthier. My perspective. 

My husband also made a commitment. His commitment was to diet, exercise, and lose weight. You might think that is the same thing, but here's where I see the difference (again - It's all about perspective). When he chose to eat poorly, or to not play basketball for exercise, or he missed his vitamins, or the scale didn't change - he didn't feel good. He seemed to feel bad. When we talked, he sounded like he had failed, and he sounded defeated. 

 It's all about perspective. 

 He didn't seem to be able to see the benefit of the two weeks when he did eat well, worked out, took his vitamins, and saw a difference both physically and on the scale. His mind was focused on the two days when he chose different behaviors. 

 Why do we do this? Why do we focus on the results and not the journey? Why do we need to focus on the results at all?  And, what happens when we achieve the result - does that mean that our journey ends? 

 In this scenario, let's say we reach our "ideal weight" or our "ideal BMI", does that mean we get to pig out on junk food, stop exercising and live like sloths? 

 In my opinion, part of the challenge is our perspective. It seems like we are always striving for something. It's not the journey, it's the destination. 

 I want more money. I want a better job. I want a bigger house. I want a nicer car. I want to be skinny. I want to be stronger. I want... I want... I want... 

 So, what do we do? We strive for that result. We lose focus on the day to day, and our focus becomes that result. We miss out on the lessons in the journey, because it isn't about the journey. It's about the result. 

 And, what happens when we achieve that result? We find a new want - and we focus on that. Or, worse yet, what happens if we don't achieve that result? We focus on what we missed. Why did we miss that? Why couldn't we commit? Why are we such failures? 

 What if we could completely change our perspective? What if instead of focusing on a single result on which we will succeed or fail, we start to focus solely on the journey? If we can unpack the "why" we are so focused on that result, and once we find that - let that be the focus of our journey. 

 For example, instead of focusing on dieting, focus on living a healthy lifestyle. Not focus on the weight on the scale, instead focus on making better dietary choices. Instead of looking at each individual choice as another opportunity to fail, look at the totality of the choices and see the positive changes that were made compared to the prior decisions. 

 This might seem like a small thing, but it is so hard to do. I see it repeat itself over and over again. In so many of my conversations this week, I have talked with people who felt like failures because they missed a very tiny window of a result. And, I think this is part of why we lay so much additional pressure and stress upon ourselves each and every day. 

 We strive to do something, to achieve something, to be something. Why can't we just be proud of who we are? Why can't we focus on the positive changes and be proud of what we have accomplished? Not in a boastful, ungrateful, all about me way - but in a present, grateful, prayerful, focused on the improvements for a greater purpose way. 

 There is a quote by Les Brown that says... "Shoot for the moon. Even if you miss, you'll land among the stars." 

 My question now is... Would we be happy if we missed the moon, but still landed among the stars? Would we even notice that we were among the stars or would our focus be on our missing the moon? Are we ever satisfied? 

 1 Timothy 6:6-8 (GNB): Well, religion does make a person very rich, if he is satisfied with what he has. What did we bring into the world? Nothing! What can we take out of the world? Nothing! So then, if we have food and clothes, that should be enough for us. 

 And, we should be satisfied. God has provided all that we need. 

 Ephesians 2:8-9 (GNB): For it is by God's grace that you have been saved through faith. It is not the result of your own efforts, but God's gift, so that no one can boast about it. 

 So, while I believe it's all about perspective, how do I change mine? How can I focus on being present through the journey so I can learn God's lessons instead focusing on the specific result of which I will succeed or fail? I haven't figured that out yet. But, knowing the problem is the first step to finding a solution.

Every Part of Me

What an amazing few days! Last week, our biggest buddy started Kindergarten, and he started soccer (3v3 Soccer for Under 6 year olds, but still organized sports), and he starts CCD in a few weeks. 

So, this got me thinking. Our oldest child now has several parts of his life that do not fully involve us. After we get him on the bus in the morning, he is off to school by himself. On his 2nd day of school, he told his dad that he wanted to learn how to buy his lunch (they have a pin # they put into a keypad that deducts money out of a pre-paid account - how techy these kids are these days!?!?! What happened to a good old fashioned envelope with cold, hard cash?? Better yet - what happened to truly brown bagging it with a PB&J and a juice box??) Oh, but I digress. 

So, he gets on the bus, goes through the first half of school, buys his lunch, goes back to classes until "structured play" (they can't call it recess anymore either?!?!), and then his daddy picks him up. Some days, he is home for only a few moments to do homework (coloring or cutting, but still), eat a quick dinner, and then off to soccer practice. Back home with us for a little while for a bath and bed. 

 And, when I do get moments with him to talk about his day, I want to know about each every part. Every detail. 

How was the bus ride to school? Who did he sit with? What did he learn today? What did he eat for lunch? Did he like it? Who did he sit by at lunch? Who did he play with during "structured play"? How was soccer? What did they learn? How did he do? What does he want to wear to school tomorrow? Does he want us to make his lunch or does he want to buy it? And there are probably 1,000,000 more questions I have!!! 

So, why did I run you through his entire day and then all the questions I have? Well, because it got me thinking... 

As a parent, I want to be there through EVERY PART of his day. I want to know all about it. And, I want him to WANT to come home and share EVERY DETAIL with me. 

Is that how God feels about me? I mean, He is our Heavenly Father, right? So, it's not that far-fetched to think that He would feel the same, right? 

And, yes, I know it is different because He does know each and every minute detail of each and every day for each and every one of us. Seriously, He is AMAZING!! 

All that said, just like I am sad when my little guy doesn't want to share everything with me, I wonder if I make God sad when I don't share everything with Him. And, just like I love to see the look in our son's eyes when he knows how proud we are of him, I wonder what else I can do to help make God more proud of me.  

Are there parts of my day that I don't share with Him? When He is an after-thought? Or, when He isn't even part of the thought? How many times should I go to Him for guidance, but instead, rest on my own choices? Make bad decisions - and - pray for Him to clean it up... Are there times when I have the opportunity to share His name, His works, His grace, but I want to be the "cool kid" so I decide not to. Makes me think of times coming up when our little guy may not want to give me a hug or kiss or tell me he loves me in front of his friends. Kinda breaks my heart a little. 

So, am I breaking God's heart? Not tearing it apart, but are there things I can do?  How can I improve? How can I make God part of everything? Part of my work life, my home life, my family life? How can I help to remind myself to seek His guidance first, before resting on my own skills. And, when things go well, how can I remind myself to glorify God for the talents He has given me, and focus on Him versus focusing on me? I almost always remember to go to Him when things are bad; so how do I make myself go to Him first always?? 

Well, I don't have an answer to any of that. It's just been on my mind a great deal lately. So, I went to the Bible to look for verses to help me remind myself to always go to God first. Here are some versus I found: 

John 3:16 (GNB): For God loved the world so much that He gave His only Son, so that everyone who believes in Him may not die, but have eternal life. 

Imagine how much we love our children in our worldly ability to love. What does that love look like when it's a God-sized love? My brain can't wrap itself around what that must feel like. 

 So, what does He call us to do?

Galatians 2:20 (GNB): so that it is no longer I who live, but it is Christ who lives in me. This life that I live now, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave His life for me. 

And, some of my favorites from Proverbs: 

Proverbs 3:5-6 (GNB): Trust in the Lord with all your heart. Never rely on what you think you know. Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way. 

Proverbs 3:7 (GNB): Never let yourself think that you are wiser than you are; simply obey the Lord and refuse to do wrong. 

As I write all of this, I'm also reminded of a newer song by Amy Grant titled "Don't Try So Hard." If you haven't heard it, definitely worth a listen! It's one of my favorites because in the chorus she sings... 

"Don't try so hard. God give you grace and you can't earn it. Stop thinking you're not worth it. Because you are. He gave you His love and He's not leaving. He gave you His Son so you'd believe it. Your lovely even with your scars, so don't try so hard." 

As I type those words, tears well up in my eyes. Because I am so proud of my children - for who the little people that they are - and I would never want them to feel that they needed to work that hard for my love. I love them NO MATTER WHAT! And, there is NOTHING that they could do to "earn" my love. It is theirs. I give it freely. And, I hope I show them each and every day how amazingly blessed I feel to have the privilege of being their mom. 

With all of that, I know that God is proud of me, not because of what I do, rather because I am His daughter. He made me. He has a plan for me. 

But, just like a little boy who gets a good grade and runs home to show it to his dad to see the joy on his face, I want to do good works - not to get into Heaven because I know Jesus already paid that price for each of us. Rather, I hope that when I go home, and I get to see His face, I hope I can see the joy that the works I have done on this Earth make Him proud, too.

Time, Talent & Treasure

I just learned that a woman I work with wrote a book titled Be a Cheerful Giver. I went to the website and was able to get a peek into the book. From what I gather, it's a book about the amazing gifts God has given people through their giving to others. And, while I plan to go out and buy the book today, I wanted to give some thought first to my views on giving - and how those thoughts have changed over the years.

Before I move on, I would ask anyone who reads this to click over to www.beacheerfulgivercd.com.  

So, what are my thoughts on giving?  Sadly, for many years, my thoughts were that I deserved everything that I had because I made it and it was up to me where I spent it and who I shared it with. I was very entitled. Why should I give away what I've earned?  

During that time, I was also living WAY above my means. I had a good job and was making good money, but I was living like I was making nearly double. I was in credit card debt - not because of cheerful giving, more because of greedy taking. 

And, when we got married, we were both a bit of financial messes. And, since most of friends were too, we didn't seem to give it much thought. 

But then one day it hit me - this was probably another "God Knocking" moment. Why do I work so hard, take very little home, share almost none with anyone else, because I am paying it all to the credit card people???  Oh Yeah - it's because I spent all of this before I made it. It was like I ran into a brick wall and woke up. This is not the way I wanted to live - and not the way I wanted our kids to be raised.  

So, where are my thoughts now?  I'm not sure when they changed, but I do know that they did.  About 3 years ago, my husband and I sat down and decided that we wanted to live mostly debt free.  And, I say mostly because we weren't going to be able to pay off the house any time soon.  But we wanted all other debts gone.  So, little by little, we paid everything off.  It was difficult during those three years, especially because we went from 1 child to 3 children in the same time.  That meant more diapers, more formula, more doctors appointments, etc.  But, we did it.  That allowed us to look at all that God had given us, and really start to think about generous giving.

Here is what the Bible says about giving:

Acts 20:35 (GNB):  I have shown you in all things that by working hard in this way we must help the weak, remembering the words that the Lord Jesus himself said, "There is more happiness in giving than in receiving."

2 Corinthians 9:7-9 (GNB):  You should each give, then, as you have decided, not with regret or out of a sense of duty; for God loves the one who gives gladly.  And God is able to give you more than you need, so that you will always have all you need for yourselves and more than enough for every good cause.  As the scripture says:  "He gives generously to the needy; his kindness lasts for ever."

What does that look like for us?  Well, I believe we are called to give generously.  And, giving is not just the dollars you hand over.  Again, we don't all have the extra dollars to spend.  But, we might have an extra hour a month, or extra clothes that we aren't wearing, or a piece of furniture that we plan to replace.

When we first started this journey, we didn't have much extra money.  So, we started with a few small donations to good causes and our church.  Then, we started looking at the items in our home that could be used by others.  We started giving these items away (clothes, furniture, bedding, etc.).  And, that was all we could do for a while, especially with these little ones needing so much.  But then, we realized things were getting a little easier, so we started to give a little more, and added our time to the mix.

About 2 years ago, I realized that giving isn't just about the money or goods you have.  It is also about giving your time and your talents to help others.  So, I started volunteering.  And, once you start, it can become a 2nd full-time job, so I needed to be thoughtful about it.  I wanted to choose places where I was able to have the best impact, understanding that the time volunteering was also time away from our children (and remember, I only get them 30-40% of the time).

For us, our solution was to choose a few places where we would share our time, talent & treasure, so that it had the biggest impact.  Instead of spreading a little everywhere, we wanted to give generously in a few places.  We chose:

Our Schools
Our Church
Women's Groups
Helping Children
 

While there are various views on giving, this focus helped us to feel like our time, our talents and our treasure were all multiplied in our giving in these areas.  God has blessed us, and I believe He has called us to bless others.  Not because we have to, rather because it is the right thing to do.  Why should we keep it all to ourselves?  We got it through the gifts that God has given us.  By His mercy, His strength, His grace, we have each been saved.  Why then, should we be so focused on what we can keep instead of looking at what we can share.

One last point - it is so important to give for giving sake, and not look at it for what we get in return.  While there are so many amazing benefits of giving, the purpose of giving is to bless others.  I say this because I had a recent experience where I asked others to support me in something.  When they didn't, I was very disappointed - and this is where the devil loves to play.  My mind was filled with thoughts of - 

"Well, I guess I won't go and support them, either!"  

While, sadly, that is where my mind went first, the amazing thing about God is that He is always there and He helps us to see the error in our thinking.  And, He quickly pulled me out of that hole and said, 

"Daughter, I have called you to give generously - not for what you will receive, only for the gift of giving to others."  

See, being a Christian and walking in faith doesn't mean that we don't have evil, nasty, terrible thoughts.  Although, I hope one day those go away, too!  But for now, what I am learning is how, with God's help, to quickly get over those thoughts and onto the more beautiful ones.  

God has given us so many blessings!  Where can I go and show His Love by blessing others??

On Parenting

I have been giving this a great deal of thought lately – where do our parenting styles come from? Is it how we were brought up, or the opposite of how we were brought up? Is it based on our spouse’s style and we adapt closer to or further away? 

 And, there are all these categories of parenting – well, really of mother’s parenting styles: Tiger Mom, Helicopter Mom, Friend Mom, Mean Mom, etc. Where do I fit in? And, why did I choose that style? 

Let’s start with me. I have had the opportunity to lead various teams in my organization. And, I have also had the opportunity to be evaluated based on my leadership style. What I have learned is that I have high expectations of myself and hold myself to extremely high standards. Because of that, I also have very high expectations of others…sometimes unreasonably high expectations of others. 

 How does that translate into my parenting style? I have extremely high expectations of our children. Even at this very young age, I do. And, it might also be unreasonable, but at least I’m consistent… 

Here is how it manifests. I would label myself as a “Teachable Moment Mom.” What that looks like is every time something happens, I don’t just look at that individual moment; I forecast what that might mean down the road. I quickly review times in the past when I have seen the behavior and, if not corrected, how it might manifest in the future. And then, I swoop in with a teachable moment. 

Let’s look at an example: Our middle child has the habit of putting things where they don’t belong. Some examples include: 

• Putting tissue paper up his nose – causing us to run to the ER to get his nose scoped, and the doctor to use an “alligator” to remove it. 

• Putting numerous objects down the vents, not just at our house, but at others’ homes 

• Putting a T-ball ball down the PVC pipe outside our home – causing us to call a plumber to help fish it out as it was sitting on top of the fan on the water heater.

 

As you can see, he has a history of putting things in places where they don’t belong. So, when it happened again, when he more items down the vent, “Teachable Moment Mom” stepped in. 

First, he was placed in time out. Then, we had a discussion about where he placed the objects, and why this was not okay to do. We talked about what we might take away as a result of his behavior. We talked about how to ensure he doesn’t do it in the future because even more things would be taken away. Plus, how would he like it if his brother would take his things and put them where they didn’t belong. 

 I know…he’s only 3. And, I know…he might not get it. But, in my defense, he does seem to get it. He understands when he does the wrong things. I know this because, when I’m around him doing these things, I see him looking at me to see if I will react. He is looking for boundaries. He is seeing how far he can push before he will get in trouble. 

There are many options. I could just let things go. In the grand scheme of things, these little troublesome moments are not that big of a deal. Right? Sure. But, what will it lead to? And, when will we stop it? And, how can we be consistent so he knows right from wrong? And, why not stop this behavior now before it becomes a problem. 

I heard Andy Stanley talking on a TV program one afternoon about guardrails. What I gathered (again, please note that this is what I gathered, not necessarily what he said) was that it is important to put up guardrails and be consistent. And, those guardrails should not be placed right up against catastrophic behavior. The beauty of guardrails is that they keep you on track. If you bump into one, you can quickly get back on the road. They keep you away from the cliff. And, they are usually placed with room before the cliff, so that if you do cross it, you aren’t heading straight down – you have time to correct. 

 So, I have taken that advice, and several verses in Proverbs listed below: 

Proverbs 19:18 (GNTD): Discipline your children while they are young enough to learn. If you don’t you are helping them destroy themselves. 

Proverbs 20:7 (GNTD): Children are fortunate if they have a father who is honest and does what is right. 

Proverbs 22:6 (GNTD): Teach children how they should live, and they will remember it all their life. 

Proverbs 22:15 (GNTD): Children just naturally do silly, careless things, but a good spanking will teach them how to behave 

 Taking all that in, let’s add in the last piece, our family life. In our home, my husband is the stay at home parent. And, I must add, he is an amazing father! If you know my husband, you also know that he is more of the mentality that “rules are meant to be broken” and “not everything is a big deal.” And, again, our children are so lucky to have their daddy home because their mommy is “everything is a teachable moment” and “right is right; wrong is wrong.” There isn’t much in between for me. Layer on that the fact that daddy gets to be with the kiddos 100% of the time. Mommy, on the other hand, only gets to be with the little ones about 40% of the time. Lately, that number has dropped down to about 30% of the time. 

 Let’s tie this all up into a bow. When I get to be mommy (my 30-40% of the time), I want to be 100% mommy to the kids. That means being fun mom, but also being teachable moment mom. And, it’s amazing, in my 30-40% how many teachable moments there are. Seriously! They happen more than you would ever imagine! 

But, I put it all into perspective with this. 

1 – Our children know, without a question, that their mom and dad love them more than anything else in this world. We prayed for them long before they ever came into our lives. And, we could not imagine our lives without them. As our oldest tells me, “I know mom, you love me no matter what!” 

 2 – Our children are really good kids! They are usually kind and respectful. And, when they choose poor behavior, and I ask – “was that respectful or disrespectful?” – they respond correctly. Or, when my oldest does something he knows he shouldn’t have done and our middle child repeats that behavior, without prompting our oldest will say – “I know – see what I teach my brother.” And, the three year old is starting to respond the same way. 

 3 – Our children are spoiled with love and gifts! They do get all of their needs, and nearly all of their wants. And, we are trying to make they wait to earn things – even free app downloads on the iPad. It’s not just the cost of things, we want the kids to know that they should be good all the time, and with good behavior comes positive rewards. 

 4 – And, when things go wrong / when our kids don’t listen and bad things happen (like getting hurt jumping off the bed), we can respond with “now do you understand why we have those rules?” To that, our oldest will reply with tear-filled eyes…– “Yes, so I don’t get hurt.” 

So, all in all, I think we have a healthy balance. My husband gets to be the “not everything is a big deal” dad, and I get to be “teachable moment” mom. Somewhere in between, our kids probably have the right balance of rules and flexibility. And while I’m sure we will make many mistakes as they each grow and challenge us in new and inventive ways, I know that I will love and cherish each day as they are our precious gifts from God.

Getting Caught Up

Wow! The past few weeks have been a whirlwind! So, let’s get caught up!

Remember when I posted about the conference I attended and the call I made just before our daughter was born? So, here is how all of that played out…

After I returned from maternity leave, I applied for two positions and didn’t get them. So, I decided to stop searching on my own, and start focusing on where God wanted me to be. So, for the remainder of the year, I focused on doing my day job the absolute best that I knew how. And, I asked others how I could improve, so that I would continue to grow and develop and succeed.

All that said, I also made a commitment during the conference. I committed to a project that had to save or generate at least $30,000 for our organization. And, I had a passion for increasing the skills of our sales force. Our market was experiencing significant change due to the economic and healthcare environment. So, we needed to invest in our employees so that they had a better opportunity to make a true impact.

While I won’t get into all of the details of our project, I will say this… It was a true team effort. I had the awesome opportunity to meet with amazing people across our organization. And, one of the people I had the chance to work more closely with was the gentleman that I called as I was starting my maternity leave.

See, he was running this project on innovating our market model. And, I was super excited about the opportunity to work with him. So, when I started on this project, I wanted to see if there was a way to stay connected to his team in order to enhance their work and not duplicate efforts.

Enough with the boring details, here are the results – I got a new job!!! That work that we did on the project helped me grow and develop and gain new contacts. All of that helped to prepare me for these new roles that opened up in the middle of this year. And, now I get to work on a small team of amazingly talented people on making a true difference to our organization…

HOW COOL IS THAT? 

You may wonder… What does that have to do with God? Well, let me explain.

See, when I got back from maternity leave, I was running away from what I knew could be a tough situation. So, I was looking for any out I could find. But, God had a different plan. He knew that I had more to learn. I needed to be patient. I needed to understand that I was exactly where He wanted me to be. And, I needed to trust Him.

What’s amazing is that, toward the end of last year, I was able to see why He wanted me to wait. He had a different plan for me. These new roles were being created, and He had put me in the place I needed to be to get the training, experience and relationships necessary to be competitive for the role. And, when the positions opened, I could so clearly see the Hand of God working to help me prepare.

Even with all of this, I still sat and prayed about the position. This meant more travel, more time away from my husband and our children. Was this truly what God wanted me to do? As I would quietly sit, pray, and ask God for guidance, I would feel almost a calm come over me. It was almost as if there was no question – or – the question was answered. This was where I was to be. Not because of me; only because God had prepared me to be here.

I was paging through the Bible, and I came across this passage:

Romans 12:6-8 (GNTD): So we are to use our different gifts in accordance with the grace that God has given us. If our gift is to speak God’s message, we should do it according to the faith that we have; if it is to serve, we should serve; if it is to teach, we should teach; if it is to encourage others, we should do so. Whoever shares with others should do it generously; whoever has authority should work hard; whoever shows kindness to others should do it cheerfully.

While I am starting to get the details of the job figured out, I know God has a greater plan. There is a reason why I am here beyond the actual work that we need to accomplish. And, believe me, there is a lot of work! So, I am cheerfully doing great work while I patiently wait for His next direction.

What's Next?

As you can imagine, that was a truly tough time.  And, because we were at the meeting, we shared the news with more people than we hoped.  So, even as late as last week, I received a message from a colleague who "heard through the grapevine that we were expecting again - and Congratulations."  So, last week was 13 weeks since learning about the miscarriage.  How do you think I handled it???

I cried.  I know it's been 13 weeks, but still, it's only been 13 weeks.  As for the e-mail, I didn't respond to that part of the message.  I responded with comments on the other part, but left that part alone. 

How do you respond to that?? 

So, now what?  What do we do?  Do we try again? 

We haven't come to a final decision on that.  While we both could be done (which is a new position for my husband as he has never said anything beside he wanted more children), we are still open to the possibility of having more.  With that said, we are both getting older, and my cycles are still terrible.  So, now what?

Just this weekend we talked about whether or not to go back on the pill.  It would make my life easier, but it would mean stopping our chances of pregnancy.  What do we do?

Oh, and I haven't mentioned that I am again a few days late.  And, I took another test on Sunday morning (without my husband).  Although this time, when he walked back into the room, he asked - So what did the pregnancy test say?

Although he wasn't there, he knew it was happening. I sure do love that man!!

The test results - Not Pregnant.  And, for the first time, I could see that he was okay with that answer.  He feels full and complete.  We have our three here to hold and two waiting for us.  Just over six years ago, we thought we might never have children.  We have been pregnant 5 times and have three amazing little ones God has given us to raise.  We have truly been blessed.  We feel complete.

So, as for our next steps in fertility, I'm not sure.  I ordered the pills, but haven't taken them yet.  I think we still have some talking and praying to do.  And, even if we start the pill, if God wants us to have another baby, I know He can make it happen.