Next Steps

So, I sit here tonight in bed, tired both physically and emotionally - but my mind is spinning.  It's spinning because tomorrow starts the next step in the process - a process that is 100% out of my control.  And, I know that God has this.  He already knows the outcome.  And, He is with me.

Tomorrow morning, I will meet with the oncologist to have the first surgery.  This surgery will determine what type of hysterectomy I need.  It's not a question of whether or not I need one - that is already guaranteed (and scheduled for September 30th).  This procedure will determine if that will be a simple or radical procedure.

I was watching In Touch with Dr. Charles Stanley this morning as he was finishing his message on "Turning Crisis into Opportunity."  Is that what this is?  Is this a crisis?

While my procedure is tomorrow, my plans are to get on a plane on Tuesday and fly to a meeting in North Carolina.  People think I am silly (or crazy, insane, etc.).

Is it that important?  Can it be cancelled?

The true answers to those questions are:  No, it is not that important and - Yes, it can be cancelled.

My question is - For what purpose?  To lie in bed and worry about something I have ZERO control over? 

When I have the 2nd surgery, I will need to take a few weeks off.  I will need to heal (both physically and emotionally).  And, I may need to deal with other "next steps."  Until then, I am moving on - business as usual.

Here's why... 

When I received my "diagnosis", I had some time to truly think about my life.  Believe me, when you get the diagnosis of cancer (no matter how early it is), you do see your life flash before you.  Everything stops.  People are talking but your brain cannot process anything for some time.  While that truly is probably only a few seconds, it feels like a lifetime.  After that, it's pretty much always on your mind.  No matter how hard you try to get it off your mind, it is always there.

So, I have had some time to think. 
 - Is this really what I want to be doing? 
 - Is this what God wants for my life?

What keeps coming to me is - YES! 

Several months ago, I did a session on my top 5 values (Achievement, Courage, Influence, Innovation & Joy - which is also Faith, but I had to choose one and my faith is what allows me to be joyful so there you have it :)).  When I look at what I get do to at work and the changes we are making, I am absolutely where I want to be.  And, I know that God is with me, preparing me for whatever His next plans are for me.  There is true clarity that I am where I am supposed to be.

In the program today, Dr. Stanley quoted this verse:
Romans 8:28 (GNB):  We know that in all things God works for good with those who love Him, those whom He has called according to His purpose.

This does not say that God does not allow bad / difficult things to happen.  It just says that God works for good with those who love Him.  He will see us through this.  Actually, He already is.

Here is my prayer for tonight:

Lord,

Please be with all those who are praying for me tonight.  Please let them feel Your love and know that You are in control of this.  Please be with the doctors tomorrow.  Please help them feel Your presence and find whatever they are to find.  And, Lord, please be with me through this.  Please continue to strengthen my faith in You and keep my focus on You.

Regardless of the results from tomorrow's procedure, I know that You are with me and You will see me (and my family) through the next steps.  You are always faithful.  You are always good.

Thank You for not letting me give up on this.  Thank You for helping the doctor find this so that we could catch it early.  Thank You for allowing us to already have three amazing little people in our home that bring us such joy and happiness.  Thank You for being there with us - today, tomorrow and always.

Amen!