Digging Into My Diagnosis

Before I move on, I thought it might be helpful to share a little more about what we did, how we got to the specialist, etc.  So, let's dig in...

After four months of failed attempts with Clomid, my OB recommended seeking support from a fertility specialist because most women would have gotten pregnant within the first few tries.  Trying again was an option, but if it didn't work the first four times, it's less likely it would have been successful in future attempts.

I took her advice and met with the fertility specialist.  After our first conversation, I was very impressed by him.  We talked about our potential options, but he wanted to do some "diagnostics" first (my word, not his).  Within a week or so, I was undergoing a HSG (hysterosalpingogram).  From what I remember, the purpose of this test was to ensure that my parts were all working correctly.  And, I think I tried to forget much of this test because it was a little uncomfortable.  Again, in my words and based on my memory, he "shot" dye up through my fallopian tubes to ensure that the sperm & eggs had a clear path to meet.  Thankfully, that test came back normal.

The next step was testing my husband - which he was none too excited about!  He had to "provide a sample" in a small jar and get it to the office within a certain amount of time for them to be able to check his "sample."  They were looking for number, motility, head shape, etc.  And, that is where my husband was told that he was SUPERMAN!  I guess the test wasn't that bad after all - I mean, come on, who doesn't want to be called SUPERMAN.  I'll tell you who doesn't want to hear it - the wife who now knows that it is all her fault!

Based on the HSG and my husband's results, we were supposedly good candidates for the IUI.  Knock, Knock, Knock.

Before I was ready to take that step, I decided it was time to talk to our priest.  This was the priest who married us, so I had gotten to know him during that process.  I really liked him, and was looking for some advice.  Was this really what I was supposed to do?  What would God think about this?  Isn't He supposed to have some say in our "family planning"? 

I took this step by myself.  I didn't want my husband to know that I was going, because I knew he really wanted to start a family.  I felt like a total disappointment.  What if I can't get pregnant?  What if the priest says I shouldn't do this?  What if???

In talking with our priest, he was very comforting and prayed with me.  He was grateful that I was being thoughtful through the process, but didn't truly have much advice.  This was a discussion I needed to have with God.  I'm so thankful for that time with our priest because he helped me to walk on my journey.  There wasn't a shortcut.  I couldn't go to anyone else for answers.  I needed to go to Him with questions and wait on Him for answers.

So, I did.  The weeks before the IUI, I did a lot of praying.  And, a few days before I was to start my shots, I was at a meeting where I met a man who said that the Pope was about to approve a certain form of IUI.  What???  The Pope???  Come on, seriously?

Now, I don't know if The Pope ever did approve of it, but I truly thought that was my sign.  And, in our discussion, he said that the reason was because it was still up to God.  Even if someone else put the sperm in the right place, God still had to bring the egg and sperm together.  So, if it wasn't His plan, it wouldn't happen. 

So, off we went.  We started the shots, and a few days later did the implantation.  Laid on an inverted bed for 15-20 minutes, and then off to work for the day.  Several days later, I would go in for a ultrasound and, no baby.  And, we would try again.  And again, no baby.  Before we could try a third time, we had some follicle issue so we needed to wait a month.  Tries 3 & 4 - unsuccessful!

Now what???  That's when IVF was brought up.  I was told that it was highly unlikely that we would ever conceive on our own.  And, what I heard was - It was ALL MY FAULT!

Knock, Knock, Knock - what do I do now?  Do I go through IVF?  I am so thankful that it's an option, but is that my option?  Am I ready for that?  God, please help me!  I need answers, and fast.  My husband so wants a family - and - so do I.  But, am I ready for this?  Are we ready for this?  What do we do?

Proverbs 3:5-6 (GNB):  Trust in the Lord with all your heart.  Never rely on what you think you know.  Remember the Lord in everything you do, and He will show you the right way.