Don't Take It Back

It was the fall of 2009 and we were really struggling with what to do.  We felt like our family could very well be complete.  We had this awesome little guy who was already more than 18 months old.  And, as he grew, his personality just SHINED!!!  Seriously, this kid is amazing.

So, was it bad that we wanted another child?  Wasn't God good enough to us?  Why should we want more when we didn't even think we would have one?

Although, He did give us this one amazing child, who's to say that He doesn't want to give us more?

Your mind can and will likely play tricks on you.  And, the hormones only make things worse!  

So, in the fall of 2009, I was working with a colleague when, who walked in the door, but the fertility specialist I had been seeing before getting pregnant with our first.  And, we went back to him a few times in the first trimester because, well, I liked him and I knew him.  

There I am, standing there with a colleague - AT WORK - and here he comes.  And, all I wanted to do was to talk with him about my situation, but he wasn't there to talk to me about this, he was there for a conference.  My mind was swirling!  What do I do?  What do I say?  Is this a God Knocking time...  Or, is this a Do You REALLY Trust Me time?

I said hello, and thanked him again for all of his help through the tough times.  I mentioned that my husband and I had been struggling with growing our family, so he might be seeing me back in his office.  He smiled, said he was happy to help, and continued down the hallway.

What was that?  Really?  Was this a sign?  We got pregnant naturally twice now, and we had one amazing little guy. Was this a test?  Are we supposed to try again with the specialist, or trust - trust that God has a plan?

When I got home from work, I told my husband about the interaction, and we talked for a while.  What were we to do?  In hindsight, this was one of the first times in our "fertility" roller coaster that I didn't take it all on my back.  We were making this decision as a couple.  We were talking about the options and deciding the best course for our family.

Our decision - we would wait.  God had been so good to us in giving us this special little guy. Who's to say that He doesn't have another perfect little child just waiting to be born.  Did we trust in Him?  Could we truly give it to Him?  100% give it to Him?

We did...with a timeline.  It seems so funny to say now.  Did we really give God timeline?  But we did.  We said that we would give it to God until the end of the year.  If by January we weren't pregnant, we would talk about other options.  For some reason, that helped me to truly give it away.  I felt like I still had some control, I controlled when I would take it back.  But, I was able to give it away and stop OBSESSING over it.  

Philippians 4:13 (GNB):  I have the strength to face all conditions by the power that Christ gives me.

And, I could.  For the rest of 2009, I was at peace with our decision to truly give it to God.  We saw the miracle He made in our little guy, and knew that if He wanted us to grow our family, He could and would make it happen.