Who Decides?

When we left dinner that night, I knew my husband wanted to add to our family.  And, while I wasn’t even contemplating it before we left for dinner, in the car ride home, my heart was open to it.  While I knew it wasn’t going to be easy, I knew this is what my husband wanted.  And, God does call us to submit to our husbands.

For years, I didn’t like the thought of that.  Here is the verse where that comes from.  It’s a long one, but it’s one worth reading the whole way through:

Ephesians 5:21-33 (GNB):   Submit yourselves to one another because of your reverence for Christ.  Wives, submit to your husbands as to the Lord.  For a husband has authority over his wife just as Christ has authority over the church; and Christ is Himself the Saviour of the church, his body.  And so wives must submit completely to their husbands just as the church submits itself to Christ. 

Husbands, love your wives just as Christ loved the church and gave his life for it.  He did this to dedicate the church to God by His word, after making it clean by washing it in water, in order to present the church to Himself in all its beauty – pure and faultless, without spot or wrinkle or any other imperfection.  Men ought to love their wives just as they love their own bodies.  A man who loves his wife loves himself.  (People never hate their own bodies.  Instead, they feed them and take care of them, just as Christ does the church; for we are members of His body.)  As the scripture says, “For this reason a man will leave his father and mother and unite with his wife, and the two will become one.”  There is a deep secret truth revealed in this scripture, which I understand as applying to Christ and the church. 

But it also applies to you: every husband mush love his wife as himself, and every wife must respect her husband.

When I read this whole section, I see that it’s truly a two-way street.  Husbands are to love their wives with all they have.  And, as wives, we are to respect our husbands.  In my view, we are equals, we still talk about issues, concerns, differences.  We try to come to an agreement that both of us are happy with.  However, if we disagree, I believe that I am supposed to go along with my husband’s wishes.  That doesn’t mean that I don’t try to give a very compelling case as to why I would prefer to do something different.  But, if I’m not persuasive enough, and he still has a different view (and it isn’t immoral or illegal), then I do – for the most part – go along with what he wants. 

I have to add “for the most part” because I still do not always agree, and I do, sometimes, ask for “veto” power.  I usually don’t get it, but I do ask.

Part of the reason why I feel so called to do this is because, in our marriage, we live different lives than most couples.  I work outside of the home, he works inside of the home.  I am the sole breadwinner, but he has the much more important job.  So, while he is not the financial head of our home, he is still the head of our household.  We talk about issues, but he makes the decisions.  And, for us, it has seemed to work.

So, what did I decide to do about adding to our family?  Based on what is written above, you can probably guess.  I agreed, and we started trying.  And, while we knew it would likely take us some time, we were committed to the process.  And, this time, we were both good with whatever the outcome.